Siblings:
Learning to Thrive When OCD is in Your Family
By Michelle
Witkin, Ph.D.
Andre is sitting in the car in the
parking lot. This is as close to my office as his mother can get him. Therapy
is for his brother, he thinks. It’s his brother who has Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder (OCD), and he doesn’t want to be inconvenienced by it any more than he
already has. I follow his mother to the car and stay back a little. He pokes
his head out and gestures that it’s okay for me to come closer.
“I just want to introduce myself,” I
say. “If you ever think there is something I ought to know, or if you ever have
any questions, you are warmly welcome.”
I’ve met many “Andres” over the
years. They are siblings of kids who have OCD, both older and younger. Some of them
willingly come in to meet me; some get no closer than the parking lot. I want
them all to know that I understand that OCD affects them, too, and that there
are things we can do to improve things in their family.
It is well-documented that OCD
impacts the entire family. To prevent meltdowns or upset in the afflicted
person, other family members will go to great lengths – participating in
rituals, taking on additional responsibilities, even missing their own
activities. Sometimes, the pressure of living with OCD builds, and family
members get frustrated or impatient. They may even lash out.
Siblings are impacted by OCD as much
as anyone else in a family. Sometimes, they are even OCD’s targets, triggering
their brother or sister with their mere presence. They can be huge cheerleaders
and supporters of their brother or sister, they can be their harshest critics,
and they can get caught up doing OCD’s bidding as much as anyone else. Since
they often aren’t the ones taken to treatment (or sometimes, like Andre, refuse
to be a part of it), they often get carried along in OCD’s current, not knowing
much about what helps or what hurts. Empowering and informing them can go a
long way toward helping them cope, and even toward helping the brother or
sister with OCD to get better.
If you are a brother or sister to
someone with OCD, or a concerned parent, there are some helpful steps you can
take. First – talk is important. What siblings experience needs a place to be
heard. Parents, teachers, counselors, or other trusted adults can all be
wonderful resources to listen. Then, get equipped with good, reliable
information about OCD in whatever format is appealing – videos, articles, blogs,
podcasts. Any of these can help a sibling understand OCD’s cycle and demystify
what is going on with their brother or sister. Since Andre didn’t like the idea
of coming to my office, I sent his parents home with some short videos that he
was willing to take a look at.
Sometimes, siblings get caught up feeling
like they have to do what OCD says, or just aren’t sure what to do. Some of the
resources above can give useful hints. At other times, a visit to the brother
or sister’s therapist can provide some good direction. It’s important for
siblings to learn how to slowly back out of the OCD cycle in a way that’s best
for everyone. They can even learn how to support their sibling’s progress –
from cheering them on to helping with exposures.
When OCD has taken hold in a house,
it can feel like everything focuses on it. Siblings’ needs are still important
while a family is dealing with OCD. Families can take stock of what’s needed to
ensure siblings are staying healthy, too. Having some alone time with parents,
time with friends, activities that they pursue, or just their own alone time
can get neglected with OCD in the picture. Taking a bit of time for parents and
siblings to focus on making sure these happen can help immensely.
For more resources on OCD and family,
especially siblings, some reliable resources are:
The International OCD Foundation: https://iocdf.org/
The Anxiety and Depression
Association of America: https://adaa.org/
The Peace of Mind Foundation sibling
page: https://peaceofmind.com/for-siblings/
“Unstuck: an OCD Kids Movie” sibling
page: https://www.ocdkidsmovie.com/siblings
